What is the underlying unease that fills us up whenever we are bored or in a state of doing nothing?

What is the gnawing feeling that I know I can do better than what I am doing now?

What is this sense of lack of fulfillment in spite of all the achievements I have received?

Have you ever wondered?

Have you ever wanted to find out more about yourself?

Have you ever thought that there is a part of you awaiting to be uncovered?

The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials.

Let SWET show you how…

I confess that I was a closeted life-voyeur.

Seeking gratification from reading people’s life adventures from the stories that they posted on their blog.

Preferred to stay at the sidelines and observe.

Gaining a sense of what the world is through someone’s eyes.

Not pausing to think for awhile what does it mean if I were the one in the thick of the action.

Not stopping to think that perhaps, I could create experiences too in my life.

Perhaps, other priorities have taken over; such as career aspirations, or perhaps, the need to take care your families – an elderly parent, a school-going child or the less fortunate family member that pushes our own plans further and further away.

If we are able to fulfill our obligations and be free to pursue our own inner calling, what would it be?

When the call comes knocking, do we hear it?

When we hear it, do we answer it?

Will we have the fearlessness to leave what is familiar and secure? Will we finally set out on a venture of the heart that will change us to our very roots?

- Harry R. Moody “The Five Stages of the Soul”

A conversation with Esther set me off thinking.

She remarked: ‘If not for Everest, we would not have known each other.”

 

And that started off when we were talking about the different clubbing crowd in both Zouk and St James, and that I would have been classified as the ‘unglam’ party, a group that would probably not mixed with her ‘cool’ party.

 

Well, it is kind of strange how people of different shapes and sizes and personalities got together because of one mountain.

 

Is it a mountain or the passion to make a dream come true that brought the six of us together?

 

Working in a team of such diverse backgrounds is not easy, especially when all of us are equally self opinionated and hold very strong opinions of certain issues. Heated discussions are getting more regular with each important decision to be made.

 

Over the years, I was able to experience the shifts in our team dynamics, following the Bruce Tuckman description of group development. Forming-Storming-Norming-Performing, how our group started off being civil to each other 4 years ago and now that we can express our dissatisfactions at each other, yet at the end of it, know that we can still count on each other to see the team through.

 

Still remembered when I made a mistake in the team, and after receiving all the chiding from my team mates, Joanne ended her scolding with a sms: “We still love you.” And Lihui was gracious enough to forgive for my blunder. Their gestures truly warmed my heart.

 

From Storming Stage, we moved on to our Norming Stage where we set ground rules on communications and expression of views amongst others. It is kind of interesting that my team gave me the feedback that I should not stop trying to convince them until all of them understand what I am trying to say. A tall order for someone who is quite taciturn in nature but I guess that if good quality decisions have to be made, a certain level of good quality conversations would have to take place.

 

What does it mean to be part of this high performing team? Is it just to come together, raise enough funds, climb the mountain and call it quits?

 

I think what held us together is more than just a mountain, more than the passion to make our individuals’ dream come true, but rather the quiet acknowledgment that a team has the power to move and change things. Our unity brought the best and worst out of us as we stay in close quarters under extreme conditions in the mountains and at sea level, the constant balance between work, training and fund raising.

 

Margaret Meade said “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.”

 

Indeed, that is what our team believed and till date, we have engaged the youth through our school talks and sharing our journey, in the hope that they would climb their own Everest.

The power to change the world comes from the power within.

29 December 2007
A day of giving thanks and setting intentions for the new year ahead

A meaningful event that Barney and Agnes started at Minds Transformation and I am very glad to be part of it.

To be in a community of people who are taking the step forward to change themselves and to develop themselves to the fullest of their potential.

The power to change oneself is the same as the power to change the world.

 

I give thanks to these people whom have been part of my journey in climbing Everest, giving their unwavering support and contributions to our cause,

my family who has been there for every of our public events and fund raising initiatives,

my friends who rallied behind me lending their voice and hands in spreading the message,

my superiors and colleagues who bore the gap and held the fort while I was away in the mountains and

my good fortune that I have managed to stay mishap free through all these mountaineering expeditions.

 

Is climbing Everest a selfish sport, a sport that only a few enjoy?

Or in my case, a bout of suffering of cold, fatigue, headaches and breathlessness.

So much so, I have been mulling over this for years and wonder why did I continue on this journey?

 

The purpose of it has not really hit me until that afternoon when Barney asked me to share my story.

In which, a few people came up to me and shared that they were inspired to pursue their own dreams after listening to my story of climbing Everest.

To run their 5km run or to begin their exercise regime.

To climb their own Everest.

 

It is only on this path that I embarked on the road of self-discovery, that I found that I had the capacity to do so much more.

That I start to uncover this innate confidence to overcome any seemingly fearful challenges and insane lifestyle that I would not usually start on.

Wake up at 4am for a run, crazy, run a full marathon, insane, yet, these are the ‘new’ stuff that I’ve been pushing the boundaries.

 

When is the last time that we do something impossible?

Take the step forward, find your dream and climb your own Everest.

B: she won’t be coming to our home anymore.
M: oh what happened?
B: childish thinking
M: huh? example…
B: if hungry eat, not I hungry then u eat.
M: and u r upset coz she cares for u?
B: childish thinking

 

Careless words
Unspoken actions
Unfulfilled expectations
I care that’s why I’m hurting

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?”

- Marianne Williamson

 

All of us have fears.

What do we do with our fears?

Do we allow it to manipulate us?

Do we flee from it and let it continue to haunt us?

Or do we face up to it and give our best shot?

So far, my way of handling is to stand up to it.

No matter how badly hurt I know that I may be, I will still want to face up to it.

It is the only way to be free of these shackles of uncertainty, of the deep unknown, of the deep-seated self doubts.

Can I really climb Everest?

It is this uncertainty that drives me to take on this challenge.

Can I be more than what I am now?

A world where your soul resides out of your physical self.
What is the soul?
If it exists as a separate being, sharing similar traits yet able to have its own separate identity, what is the inner core of the physical being?
Is the soul a mirror of what we are capable of and what we truly feel of?
Is it what drives us to insanity, to perform actions that defy our common logic and moral being?
Is it the reigning force that cleanses all the bad thoughts and actions and allow us to grow into a better being?
As I strive to be a better person daily, I realise that when I look real deep inside, it scares me.
The struggle continues.

My first full marathon

 

For someone who hated running and ran 20km once only before this, I am quite pleased that I managed to complete a full marathon today. If not for the free running pass, I don’t think that I will ever pay to run 42km..and I did it without walking throughout the distance. Which my friend said that I might have performed better if I walked a bit, so that the lactic acid can dissipate…..duh.

 

I enjoyed the first 30km, listening to the drum beats, the cheering by the motivators, the school band performance and feeling the cool breeze against my face while running through Shenton Way, Marina Bay and East Coast Park. Met a few colleagues and was pretty amused by the various reasons that people had for running. One of my favourite was from a very petite person: ‘Who says size matters?’ A true celebration of the human spirit.

 

The last 12km was a bit agonising as the strain on my right inner thigh worsened. Was damn worried that it will cramp up and I cannot run back to the finishing line. Along the way, I kept lathering on the deep heat rub cream and rehydrate at every water station to prevent it from cramping.

 

With the finishing line in sight, supporters cheering away and upbeat music blaring in the distance, my feet automatically picked up speed to race all the way back.

 

Pure satisfaction.

Freedom does not come easy.

A life rooted in the past will not bring forth any change to the present outcome.

I need to move forward, to live in the now and to look to the future.

–verb (used with object)

1. to feel sorrow or remorse for (an act, fault, disappointment, etc.).

2. to think of with a sense of loss: to regret one’s vanished youth.

–noun

3. a sense of loss, disappointment, dissatisfaction, etc.

4. a feeling of sorrow or remorse for a fault, act, loss, disappointment, etc.

 

How does one live a life without regrets?

My life seems to be full of them.

Regret for wavering in my decision…regret for uttering a harsh word…regret for jumping to conclusions too early…regret for not spending the time to build bonds and relationships…regret for making the wrong judgment call.

Especially when one is in a position to make or break another’s livelihood. Mistakes made were more costly than others.

Caught in a dilemma between living out my ideals and doing what was pragmatic..it had been a tough call. To reward based on performance or potential, what is the tipping point to decide who is the more deserving person?

A trusted friend and a mentor who guides and advises me, he is the best person that I have worked with. Ever supportive, going beyond the call of duty to lend a helping hand. Always a problem solver who took upon himself to see things through.

Not that he is incapable, in fact, he has the capacity to deliver more than most people. Not that he did not do his job, he puts in his best for every task that he is given and he delivers.

Yet, setting aside all emotions, I made a conscious decision to set the criteria based on the amount of workload done for the year. So, I had placed him lower than what others would usually do when solely judged by potential and capability.

Turn of events indicated that it was a wrong judgment call and I had let my most trusted right-hand man down.

Apart from disappointing him, I know that I had discredited myself.

Even if he can forgive me, I will not be able to forgive myself.